Anger Management
As a therapist, I have had the opportunity to talk with many people, from toddlers to retirees, about their feelings. And one of the most prevalent perspectives I have witnessed is the idea that it is not okay to be angry. Many believe that if one is angry, they need to stop. I totally disagree.
Let me explain. I don’t mean that I believe you should be continuously angry. But I believe that anger can be a good thing, and that is has a necessary function in our lives.
Feelings are signals from our body giving us important information about what we are currently experiencing. Feelings are helpful. Feelings are our friends. And rather than being judged and eliminated, feelings can to be tracked and then used to help us understand ourselves better and know what we can do to improve our lives.
If you haven’t been for a run in a long while and then go out for a short jog and return with sore muscles, you likely recognize that the pain you’re experiencing is a result of the recent experience. Your body is giving you physical signals in order to help you make decisions about how you will use your body physically throughout the next day or two. While this may be frustrating, most of us do not have a reaction of anger at our body for it’s response. We accept that this is the way it is. Why not try applying this same idea to our emotions?
Developing the habit of being in tune with your ‘usual’ emotional states will enable you to recognize when what you are feeling — such as frustration, anger or sadness — is a signal of something to be attended to for the maintenance of your mental health. This will allow you to respond to your circumstances in a healthy way.
Many people are aware of the internal tension created by the internal conflict between feeling they should just get over being angry and believing they are justified and don’t want to stop being angry without some resolution to the issue. They berate themselves for not being able to “let it go” or judge themselves harshly for “allowing things to get to them.”
I am here to give you permission to acknowledge when you feel angry. Anger is a signal! That anger is information that you need to attend to. Ask yourself some questions about it and get to the root of what is causing the angry response. Then acknowledge the feeling, either in your mind, on a piece of paper or say it out loud…”I am angry.”
The freedom that comes from recognizing that anger is normal will boost your ability to recognize when you’re feeling it and to call it what it is. Then you have choices! “Name it to tame it” is one of my favorite phrases. Once you have named what you’re feeling, your perception of what you can control shifts and you can feel more free to respond to it rather than just react. Then you can decide what tools from your coping tool box you want to use to gain resolution.
If you find yourself feeling angry all the time or unable to cope with the anger that you feel, it may be a good idea to reach out to a licensed mental health professional, such as a counselor or social worker, to help you explore the reasons for your anger. Anger can be caused by situations in the present that need attending to. Anger can also be rooted in traumatic past experiences and affect the present situation, making mountains out of mole hills, so to speak. A therapist will be able to let you know if your healing focus should be on anger management counseling, trauma counseling, or some other aspect. Through the counseling process, a therapist can help in lending the insight of their professional expertise and experience, which can provide you with more tools for coping. If you’d like a free consultation with Kristine, feel free to reach out via phone at 321-280-9120.
As a licensed therapist with private practice in DeLand, Florida, and St. Joseph, Michigan the option of online counseling is available to anyone who lives in the states of Michigan and Florida.
Online therapy is not the best option for everyone. Some issues are best addressed face-to-face. Reach out to discover whether face-to-face or online is the best fit for you and your journey.
